Thankful
Friday 11.28.2008 01:42AM
I have been very blessed to have some great people I call friend in my life. Over the years, life changes have taken some of us different directions, but there has consistently been a group of people around to love and support me. Especially recently, I have received a lot of support about my “transparency” and it has been a big help.
This past Sunday, many of these friends had a pitch-in Thanksgiving dinner. It was great fun to get together and share what we are grateful for. My mom and stepdad were able to come, too, so I was glad to have both my direct family and “second family” there. We will definitely have to do it again.
Two people I am particularly thankful for this year are Sheryl and Isha. Sheryl and I have been friends going on 10 years now and she has consistently been there for me. She is one of the “roots” in my life and I really appreciate that. Isha and I have become best friends this past year and have been tested with highs and lows in each of our lives. She is the first person in my life that I have really worried about losing their life, so I am very thankful that she is alive.
I have been trying to be more purposefully expressive of my thankfulness and I think it has improved my life. It certainly impacts my attitude – I recommend it. Here are some of the “thankfuls” I have posted on twitter.
Lifted Up
Thursday 11.13.2008 10:28PM
When I looked into those eyes
I found nothing but despair
No signs of hope
No desires, save one
Shaken by the emptiness,
I lifted you on my back
Then, as if looking in a dimly lit mirror
I faced my own despair
My own darkness
Born for the world to see
I cannot see the sun behind the clouds
But I know you believe
And lift me up
– by gRegor Morrill, for Isha
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Transparency
Thursday 11.06.2008 12:07PM
There have been several times that I have thought about writing this post, but I never did. I always hemmed and hawed over how to write it, and whether I should really post it for the world to see. I have decided that while this is a sensitive, personal issue, it is important for me to share, to be transparent.
I have battled with an addiction to pornography for about 17 years now. People will have different responses to this based on their worldview. Suffice it to say, my spiritual worldview tells me it is wrong, or “sin”. I understand if you think, “that's not a big deal, don't worry about it”, but to me it is a big deal. I do not desire to get into a discussion about differences of worldview.
I have been disgusted with myself so many times, and tried countless times to defeat it. I have had many periods of triumph, sometimes for many months at a time, but invariably I fail again. I try not to get too down on myself about it, but sometimes it is really discouraging. It is not healthy for myself or my relationships, and it objectifies women. I have so many images burned into my mind that I will probably never get rid of and I hate it. The utter lack of self-control it exhibits... ugh. If you ever wonder why I am gracious towards people (I hope I am considered gracious), it is probably because I feel so messed up myself – how could I not show grace for other people's mistakes?
I believe there is grace, mercy, and – somehow – a way out of this. I need to remind myself of these things constantly.
So there you have it. I'm being entirely transparent, for better or worse. This post isn't open for public comments, but feel free to use the contact page if you would like to send me a message. I am not really asking for anything, though. This is just a weight I needed to get off my chest – in effort to be real with people, to not be ruled by secrecy. If you are the praying type, prayers are appreciated. Positive, encouraging thoughts directed my way are welcome as well.
Lighting up the office
Monday 11.03.2008 06:31PM
I stole this idea from Jeremiah; he has a pretty sweet light setup in his dorm room.
I have a few other spaces I can add lights to, so I plan to. They'll work for Christmas of course, but can be year-round, too.
supplements
The gregorlog is a blog where I write about a variety of topics. Music, faith, computer geekery, politics, humor, and anything that I feel makes life worth living and is thus worth sharing.
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